I know there’s a bright side of the road—I can see it and sometimes even reach it briefly. Utilizing the amazing skills of resilience that I learned from my late husband, guitarist Pete Huttlinger, I am working through the grief of losing him.
What I couldn't say on Facebook is that even though I had fun in the spotlight, the only thing that I could think of was that Pete wasn't watching
I didn't feel particularly grateful during those days, but I didn't let that stop me
I walked into the bathroom to splash water on my face. I was a nervous wreck–an actual nervous wreck
I started to panic. I was sitting at Pete’s desk in his studio. I had turned everything off and on and nothing was working
As tempting as it is, the idea that all the firsts are encapsulated into 365 days is just mistaken
During quiet times, I stop for a moment and close my eyes and relive the moment in my mind.I learned to look at their expressions and body language to determine when it was time for me to step in
The expectation of how happy I was supposed to be was so high that the gap between sorrow and joy was huge
Now all of the things that I loved to do for him, that pulled my focus outward, are gone
It had never occurred to me that people would be apprehensive to encounter me for the first time since Pete’s death.
When I feel intense love, it’s much easier to function than when I feel intense grief.
For me, the essence is that you should move toward these uncomfortable feelings and not fight them.
So now I have to do what Pete would have done and keep my vision locked into that bright side.
Grief has transported me back in time to when I was a teenager. Actually, it’s taken me even further back.
I signed the anniversary card, sealed the envelope and put his name on the front just like I'd done for nine years.
You may not want to talk to me about Pete because you think it will make me sad–it might–or it might make me smile, or even laugh.
I am still his wife, so in my mind I'm still married. Why can't I just stick with that moniker? I feel comfortable there.
